I am currently experiencing significant distress. Last night, I had a major argument with my mother, and I have been struggling to distract myself from the situation. I am unsure how much longer I can maintain my sobriety without my support system. I missed my morning Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting because I felt unable to interact with others. This is often referred to as the “fuck-its” and right now i have a pretty bad case.
The argument began when I attempted to share a small portion of my current struggles with my mother. Unfortunately, as has often been the case, she redirected the conversation to focus on herself. My father then intervened, demanding that I apologize to my mother for upsetting her, despite having no context for the situation. I refused, believing that an apology in such a moment would be insincere and meaningless. I remain upset and prefer not to speak to anyone today, especially my parents.
I was aware that moving here, even temporarily, could result in complications. While I have remained clean, it is evident that I am now experiencing an emotional relapse and feeling like a “dry drunk” without a clear plan.
Since my arrival, I have had limited space to store my essentials, including clothing, and I have no privacy, even though I’m trying to occupy the smallest amount of space possible. The guest room I occupy is cluttered with my belongings and their exercise equipment. My medications are haphazardly placed on the floor due to the lack of a designated area, leading to poor medication compliance.
When I do not have an organized physical space, my mental state quickly becomes chaotic. I recognize the potential consequences if I cannot resolve this issue. Today, however, I feel incapable of addressing these concerns and will isolate myself as it provides me with a minimal sense of comfort, despite the misery it brings.
With exhaustion,
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