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A Tale of Resilience and Recovery

January began with a jolt that shook me to my core. On the very first day of the year, at approximately 2 a.m., while I was still in treatment, I received a phone call that no one ever wishes to get. My house had been broken into, leaving me feeling violated and vulnerable. This distressing event marked the beginning of a month filled with both reflection and revelation.

This January also marked five years since the separation from my ex-wife, a period that has been fraught with emotional turmoil and heartache. The separation led to the painful loss of the relationship with my daughter. Despite not being her biological parent, I love her as if she were my own flesh and blood. The void left by this lost relationship has been a source of deep sorrow that I locked away and avoided dealing with until recently.

However, amidst the chaos and grief, January became a turning point for me. Through the compassionate guidance of therapy and a commitment to my recovery, I finally began to grieve the loss of my relationship with my daughter. This process has been, and still is neither swift nor easy, but profoundly healing. Acknowledging my pain and allowing myself to mourn opened the door to a new phase of acceptance and hope. I’m reminded of the third promise from Alcoholics Anonymous; We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. And it is in this vein I both mourn the loss of the relationship and celebrate the time we had together.

As the month ended, life threw another curveball my way. On January 31, while driving to my parents’ house in Tennessee, an unexpected encounter with a deer tested my resolve once again, 14 miles from the hotel I was stopping at for the night near Columbia South Carolina. On a divided highway at cruising speed (55mph) I exploded a deer with my car, leaving me shaken, a rise in blood pressure for sure, but unharmed. Within half a second a beep, then a message regarding the crash avoidance system being unavailable on my car, and little Bambi flying 100 feet through the air before resting on the side of the road. I didn’t want to drink that night, but I won’t lie and say I didn’t want the feel the effects of something in my system that night just to wash away the entire month, but I didn’t. I texted and called a few friends, and my NA sponsor. I watched something on YouTube at my hotel room and I got some rest. Through all this, I found strength in my community, and my sobriety, refusing to succumb to the temptation of drinking or using substances and trying one day at a time to remain clean. I don’t know what tomorrow will be, but I know that just for today my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying life without the use of drugs.

January was a month of stark contrasts—of loss and recovery, of pain and resilience. It was a testament to the power of perseverance and the human spirit’s ability to heal. As I look back on this challenging month, I am filled with a sense of gratitude, accomplishment, and a renewed determination to face whatever comes next with courage and grace. Someone reading this may wonder why I’m grateful, and I’ll be honest gratitude at first was something I struggled with, so I’ll end with my gratitude list for this post and my morning.

With gratitude,

Gratitude List

• Support of my sober community
• My sobriety
• Meeting new friends
• I woke up on the right side of the daisies